


Unicorns Take Ystad

by DoreyG



Category: Wallander (UK TV)
Genre: (Now a tag on two of my fics), By unicorn, Community: comment_fic, Fantasy, Gen, Yay unicorns!, non-explicit reference to violence and death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 06:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2219445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sudden slam of Magnus into his office, at full speed with blonde curls bouncing and eyes wide, is hardly a surprise by now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unicorns Take Ystad

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evil_Little_Dog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Little_Dog/gifts).



The sudden slam of Magnus into his office, at full speed with blonde curls bouncing and eyes wide, is hardly a surprise by now. He chokes back a smile, carefully. Turns neatly in his chair, crosses his hands before him, leans forward...

"Unicorns!"

...Stares at length. Incredible length. Such incredible length that he half expects to look outside and find the sky fallen and the earth breaking apart when he finally manages to unfreeze himself and fix his eyes again.

"...What?"

"Unicorns," Magnus gasps, having used the pause to double up and grasp his middle and pant to the ground a bit in that way that is just so utterly... _Magnus_ , "on the high street. Charging people, trying to get them with their horns. I thought-"

"Magnus," he interrupts very slowly, before more dramatics can occur - such as floor sprawling, or sudden swooning, or more unaccountable quotations from Harry Potter, "unicorns don't exist. Unicorns have, in fact, never existed. They're myths, legends, _fantasies_. At the most you could stretch them into a warped sort of rhino, but beyond that..."

"They just don't exist," Ann-Britt finishes for him, coming hot on Magnus' heels with her hair flying and her eyes the widest that he's ever seen them, "we know, we agree with you. But that doesn't change the _facts_."

He stares at her as calmly as he can, tries to ignore his brain actively trying to eject itself out of his skull "...The facts?"

"There are unicorns. And they are on the high street," Ann-Britt takes in a deep breath, gently pats Magnus' bent back and slumps back against the doorframe herself, "and they are charging people and stabbing people and, er, attempting to eat people-"

"Attempting to eat people?" He stands up from his desk, feeling a bit like he's in a dream - crosses to before it and slowly settles himself back against the wood, "but... Aren't they herbivores?"

"Where did you get that idea?" Magnus huffs, grumpily to his thighs.

"Horses are herbivores."

"Yes," Ann-Britt says, very patiently and not choosing to address a random part of her body over an actual human being, "but that doesn't mean that unicorns have to be too. Mythical creatures, remember?"

"...Rhinos are herbivores," is the only thing he can manage, stubbornly and _also addressing an actual human being_ because the world may be ending but that's no excuse for rudeness, "are you sure that they're trying to eat people? _How_ are they trying to eat people? Do they bend down or lift them up with their horn or-?"

"Er, bend down mostly," Kalle interrupts, nervously from just outside the door. He peers in at them like they're all insane, but he doesn't really mind all that much; it's a welcome return to normality, "which, unfortunately for them, generally gives their prey the time to scramble away. Am I interrupting?"

"No," Ann-Britt, the one in the room furthest away from confused stupor, is the first one to break the silence - actually managing a warm smile as she gestures him forward, "no, in fact this is the _perfect_ time. Has Lisa decided?"

"Has Lisa decided what...?" He asks the air, and very sensibly decides to lean back against the desk to ward off all chance of collapse.

"Yes," Kalle, at least, smiles at him - Kalle has a nice smile, he's very glad that it's around to stop him from just giving up and fleeing to Scotland, "we're going to be leading an assault against the unicorns. Full protective measures, aiming to get them away from as many civilians as possible."

"Sounds sensible," Ann-Britt nods, and very patiently ignores the simultaneous snorts from him and Magnus, "when will it occur?"

"As soon as possible, she said, to maximize the element of surprise," Kalle smiles apologetically at all of them, slowly starts to back away as if he fears the impact the news will have on their sanity and... Basically everything else, "she expects to see you all in five, fully dressed and prepared to give your best."

He leaves at a near run, while he's still gawping and Magnus is still choking laughter into his hands.

"Well," Ann-Britt says pragmatically, and puts on her most businesslike face - the terrifying one, the one that has been known to stop criminals in their tracks and make them beg for forgiveness, "this... Is somewhat unprecedented."

"You're telling me," Magnus mutters, to his hands this time.

"But I'm sure it's nothing we can't handle," Ann-Britt finishes over him, using that _stern_ tone that has often sent criminals crying to their cells whilst promising to reform their lives from that moment on, "five minutes should be enough time to get everything assembled. I look forward to seeing you both there!"

And she leaves, at a professional trot with hips swaying and eyes firm and hands clenched in the universal symbol for _I'm going to punch some villains now and it's going to be an absolute joy_.

He stares into space after her for a while, jaw flapping.

...Magnus continues to stare at his hands.

He stares into space a little more.

Magnus... Continues to stare at his hands.

" _Fuck_ ," he says, with a decent amount of feeling, and slowly sinks fully back against his desk - dropping his head into his own hands and trying to pinpoint the moment when his life became... Whatever _this_ is.

"Fucking unicorns," Magnus agrees, _fervently_.


End file.
